Goodbye Utah

Well tomorrow we are off to Washington! It really is going to be bitter sweet to leave. It has been a year since we have had our own place with all of our stuff. As Ryan was loading the truck up today he asked me when and how we got so much stuff. Well three years of marriage will do that I guess even with just two people. Plus stuff for baby makes for a very full moving truck. We have enjoyed being at home but are ready for the next more normal part of life. Hopefully.

We are really sad to leave our amazing families and all of our dear friends. We know though that Washington for whatever reason is where we are meant to be. I am so sad but at the same time extremely excited to find out what is in store for us. It has been a long time coming and almost feels surreal, maybe thats why I am not too depressed. I was talking to my Mom tonight and one thing she said was it's just not right. (Her baby girl moving away) Before I had time to think about it I said no Mom it is. And I know that it is, it is what is right for Ryan and I for whatever reason that is. I know there are gonna be hard and crappy things about it but I also know it is going to be an adventure.

So here we go into the next chapter of our ever changing crazy lives. I think one thing that will remain constant in our lives is change. It has been the theme of our lives the last year and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. So to all of you here in Utah we love you all and we will see ya soon!

Beauty & Confidence

I totally stole this post from my friend Amanda but I read her thoughts about this and then started to comment and it turned into a really long comment and figured it was best just to make my own post about it. A little back ground on her and I....when we were teenagers we fought a lot!!! (Kind of an understatement) we were good friends but were also both very immature and got mad at each other over some stupid stuff. I always enjoy reading her posts though because I think we are kind of really similar on a lot of our views which is probably why we butted heads so much as teens. Any ways we got over it around age 15 or 16 after a huge blow up fight. The end result was that we both realized that we were just insecure and that we were allowing others to determine how we felt about ourselves....wow this is gonna be a long post...



Anyways we ended up writing a contract stating that we were the only people that would determine how we feel about ourselves. Lets just say our confidence exploded after that and I think that little contract and what I realized about myself in that conversation made me as confident as I am today. Which has brought some drama in my life from women that are not as confident, and quite frankly people can hate me all they want but I know who I am and those that truely know me love that I am so confident.



Moving on, Amanda had a post about women letting themselves go after they get married and I was reading it thinking Oh my I feel the same way! I hate when women do that! Not only because it is false advertising but also because I feel like if every girl truly knew how amazing she was she would want to look her best everyday. So here is what my comment on her post turned into..



This kind of reminds me of our little contract we drew up and both signed oh ten years a go or so? I still have an index card in my old scriptures that says I am GORGEOUS! on it. Do you remember that? One of the things that Ryan always says about why he fell in love with me was more because of my confidence than the fact that I make such an effort to look good everyday. Granted being in the beauty industry it is more important to me than to others to have my toes freshly polished, acrylic nails done, hair colored and regularily trimmed, skin tan and make up on. But I am a walking advertisement for myself and what I do. Also I grew up with parents that did not allow, sweats, pjs, slippers, or undone hair out of the house. Because of that I still can't leave home with out getting ready...what if I run into someone!?!?!? The reason i do all of these things though is not because my husband expects me to or because it's how he met me or because we don't have a baby yet. It is because I feel like a million bucks when I look my best and when I know I have put effort into how I look each day. Yes this attitude often gets a lot of people that tend to think i am cocky and arrogant, but a lot of it comes from our little contract and the importance I feel that there is in how we percieve ourselves and how we carry ourselves. Which doesn't really mean we have to put make up on everyday and do our hair all fancy just that we have to get to the point each day that we feel good when we look in the mirror.



Take for example my sister Melinda, she looks gorgeous everyday. She doesn't go to the extemes I do but she does her hair, puts on the amount of make up she thinks is necessary and gets dressed. I admire that she does this with out fail with 3 girls, ages 5, 2 (almost 3) and 6 months who she also gets ready, dressed and hair at least combed. AND her husband is only home two days a week...Why does she do it? Because it makes her feel good. So it isn't so much I think about what you do to get ready but that you do get ready.



Now as I mentioned earlier this confidence can come at a price. I have had some females in my life that have had problems with me that always boil down to my confidence and security in not my looks but in the person I am. Part of this contract we wrote was that we would acknowledge where it was we came from and that because of that divine heritage we were beautiful. I know that I am a daughter of God and that alone makes me an amazing gorgeous wonderful person. If others see that me knowing that with out a doubt is cockiness than so be it. But I know who I am, where I came from, where I am going and that I can get there because of that.



So in short I think it is important to still get ready everyday so you can feel your best for yourself. The fact that your husband appreciates it is just a bonus. I feel truly blessed to know that I am beautiful and that because of that knowledge I look the way I do. So whatever makes you feel the best is important, but lets be realistic, messy hair, needing to shower and sweats aren't gonna get you there. Of course this is just all my opinion...Beauty does come from with in but if you are beautiful on the inside it shows on the outside through your confidence, if you feel good you look good but only of course if you choose to...


This picture is a flatering picture of me...If I was back home I would have put one of me and Amanda up but this is about the age I stumbled upon what has become the large amount of confidence I have today!

Count your many blessings...

This is a map of Altus, just in case you need a visual of how small it is...
Tis is City hall and the Statue out in front of city hall

This is the C-17 the aircraft that Ryan will be on

Well to be completely honest I have had somewhat of a bad attitude lately. Which has been really frustrating because I usually can see the good in everything and have a really positive outlook. My theory is that it has to do with my hormones being out of whack because of the baby and I think the MAIN reason is that I have been in Altus Oklahoma the last 4 months..According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 17.0 square miles of which, 16.8 square miles of it is land and 0.2 square miles of it is water.Population 21,447...There is nothing here it is flat flat flat, when the wind picks up it stinks, and the two biggest things here are Wal-Mart and the Base. Thre is nothing to do unless you drive an hour into the city. There are quite a few restaraunts but they are all just ok...not good. Let's just say we eat at home a lot. On top of it we mainly hang out with people that are also in the military and can't wait to get out of here either and also have a general dislike for this forsaken part of the country...Am I being a little dramatic...of course I am but you would too if you were here! We do love our ward though...we have had the missionaries over several times and they dislike it just as much but they have good stories about the hicks and druggies that make up this town. There are also a lot of famalies in the ward that are military and we have enjoyed getting to know them. It is not uncommon for people to be missing several teeth and an overall lack of hygeine. The drivers here are AWFUL, they don't know how to go the speed limit or how a four way stop works. Don't worry there will be pictures to come of this itty bitty town we are in.

Anyways...Ryan and I were talking today about how bad we hate it here...like we do almost everyday...and we were discussing why we think its so awful. Besides all of the reasons previously listed the main conclusion we came to was this....Ryan has been in training for his job for the last ten months, we are on the last leg of that training though. We know that after this month we will on our way to Washington and that there will be some normalcy and consistancy in our life. Which we have not had in the last ten months. So pretty much we are just sick of being in limbo and are ready to get on with things. Also we are done here in approximately 27 days..but who is counting right? Oh and Ryan's date that he was supposed to start class here got pushed back twice because that is just how the military works. Hurry up and wait...In all reality we would have been in washington in the next week or two had he started class when he was supoosed to. Enough complaining though....

As we were talking about being here and the time we have left it kind of got me thinking about all the good things in our life. The day has been a lot better just thinking about all of the things I am grateful for.

-We have an amazing family that does so much for us and that we love dearly. Not that we are biased but we have the cutest nieces and nephews, wonderful siblings, and parents that are a great strength and example to us.

-We are together!!! Which is something we maybe have been taking for granted lately. Ryan's training and my job have allowed us to be together every evening and all weekend, which is something that will change once he is doing his job.

-We have job security, good health insurance (Free) a roof over our heads, and food to eat.

-We have a baby girl coming that will thankfully not be born here :)

-We have the gospel in our lives to make us stronger and better people and to remind us that this too shall pass...

-We have a ton of fun together, we love each other, and we are each other's best friends...

-We are healthy and I haven't had any complications thus far with the prgnancy

-We get to move to Washington and be only a few short hours from where Ryan served his mission

-We have some of the best friends in the world both here and else where

-And when we are not in Altus we have a very good attitude about life!!!

So all in all we are grateful that we will be able to look back at this part in life and laugh and think about the good and entertaining parts of living here...until then we will just have a better attitude! (Or try to at least)

Thinking about baby

As my belly has gotten bigger and as things are falling into place for the next few months I have been thinking a lot about our little girls arrival. I have no clue if I will be as good as a mom as I hope but I sure have been thinking about it a lot. I feel lucky to have Ryan by my side and that we will be going through this together. I know he is gonna be such a good dad even though our kids will be spoiled rotten.I am truly grateful for the way we both were raised. That we come from homes that are very different and very much the same. I am grateful that we have had many conversations about how we want to raise our kids and what we expect from each other as parents. It is crazy to think about how much our lives will change in the next few months. We are very excited but are sure we have no clue of what exactly to expect. We are excited to see what traits she gets from each of us and what her personality will be like. There are a lot of uncertainties but we do know she will be well loved and that she will have a ton of wonderful people in her life. It is crazy how life turns out and where it takes us. We are very luck to be so blessed. We can't wait to see what life in Washington brings us and everything else that is ahead and uncertain.

The Beauty of Oklahoma?

Well Oklahoma does not compare to Utah as far as the out doorsy stuff to do but about 30 miles away there is this place called Quartz Mountain. A lot of people have told us to check it out. So we thought we'd take an afternoon and go. It is by no means a mountain, Ryan and Jordan got to the top and back down in a half hour. I got half way up and figured I should head back down so I didn't quite make it. It was pretty but in all we spent about an hour there and saw everything. It was a fun mini trip but didn't take up our afternoon like we thought it would....

It's A....

Girl!!! We found out today that it is a she. We are really excited, but it is really weird. The whole pregnancy thus far hasn't seemed too real at all, minus my growing gut...But today seeing her moving around and finding out she is a she has made reality set in a little more. It's still weird to think that in 4 months we will be responsible for this little girl but we are so excited. My only fear is that she is gonna be a big brat...the odds are stacked against her with me as her mom and with Ryan as the dad. I was a HUGE brat growing up and can still be at times, and Ryan has a hard time telling me no so I can only imagine how much worse he will be with her...We have picked out a name already...Embree Wynell Bench. We love the name Embree and Wynell is my Mom's first name, and also a family name. Which we love the idea of passing on a family name to each kid. So four more months and she will be here. It is nice to know now so we can do some planning and get things going!

Attitude

So this started as a rant the other day.. it has now evolved into a much shorter gentler version... Here is what seems to be something I have dealt with a LOT lately. Mean and negative people and it seems like they are everywhere. It's not to say there are not a lot of positive happy people too but the negative mean ones have been really driving me nuts. I tend to think the reason this is so annoying to me is that I really try to be positive and always look at the situation I am given in the best light. I really feel like if your life sucks than there is always something you can do to make it better other than complain. I hate when people just complain and have a poor me, my life is harder than everyone else's attitude. So what I am trying to say I guess is suck it up and mean people suck and Karma will get you everytime.

I am grateful I don't have a bad attitude, that I can see the good in any situation and that I have so many wonderful people in my life. I really believe we choose how things turn out sometimes just by how we choose to handle the situation. So for those that aren't good at handeling things it sucks to be you. But the fact of the matter is that life is beautiful and it can be that way for everyone that so chooses. For all those people that are not very nice I am truly sorry you feel the need to be the way you are and it's no wonder your so unhappy. You deserve it..I know that isn't the nicest thing to say but I truly feel that way! I am very blest to have a very good life and many wonderful people and blessings in it. Which isn't to say bad tough things never happen cuz trust me they do, I just choose to not let them knock me down. So just in case you were wondering what I have been thinking about a lot lately there it is! Love all of you who are in my life and make it better!