Ryan

Well Ryan will be leaving in and around 20 days. I have gotten used to him being gone a lot lately but he always comes back after two weeks. I have to be honest, I am really not looking forward to him being gone for 4 months. I love him to pieces, he is my best friend and he takes such good care of me and Embree. I dread the thought of him missing out on how Embree will grow and develop in that time. I really feel like he is the most amazing wonderful husband and father in the entire world, at least I know that for me and Embree he is perfect. I am so grateful that he is willing to serve our country, I am SO proud of him. I am grateful that he works hard, that he is still working hard at going to school, and that he still gives so much time to Embree and me everyday. I know this makes me sound like a brat, but he never tells me no, and I'm not a brat just very well taken care of. He really is my better half, he completes me and really balances me out. I can be a little crazy sometimes and he is the only one that can bring me back down to earth. I am gonna miss him like crazy but I am grateful for wonderful friends and family that completely understand me and the situation and are there with out me asking. So wether I like it or not he is leaving but I am so lucky that he is mine!!!

Busy busy

This post is kind of all oEmbree is now 4 months old, we have been super busy running around like crazy and it still hasn't stopped! We went to Utah in October for Jeff and Tara's wedding, it was a beautiful day. The sealer gave some great advice and counsel and we are so so happy for them. They make such a great couple. When we were in Utah Ryan found out he was leaving on another mission the day after we would get home so he told me to just stay in utah and Fly home. I stayed for two weeks and he got home two days after I did. Embree did so good on her first plane ride and only cried during the landing but only for a few minutes. It was so good to get to spend time with family and friends. Since we got home things havent settled down. Our car was in the shop while we were gone because we got hit by a drunk driver before we left on our trip. After we got it back we decided we should just get rid of the stupid car because its just been bad luck and we have gotten in one too many accidents in the 3 years we have had it. So we got a 2009 black Subaru legacy, I love it and it is so much nicer and safer then the mazda was. We have been looking for places to live for when Ryan gets back from his deployment, trying to get the house organized to pack up once again, getting ready for Thanksgiving, getting Ryan ready for his deployment, all while trying to manage the day to day craziness. We are loving life though and trying to not got nuts while life changes once again. We have been sleep training Embree which she is doing really well with, we have done it for 4 nights and she is down to only waking up twice to eat. She is rolling over like a pro, she loves to prop herself up with her arms, she grabs and puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. Her personality comes out more and more everyday and we are enjoying her and love that she is such a good baby. While we were in Utah Ryan blessed her and gave a beautiful blessing. We also got her little ears pierced, and they look so cute! Ryan is almost done with another semester, he makes me so proud and I am so lucky to have such a dedicated hard worker as my husband. We are excited to take on everything the next few months and I will be SO happy when Ryan's deployment is done but it will make it much easier being in Utah surrounded by family and friends!

2 months

Well our little girl will be two months old tomorrow, I know everyone says it, but I can't believe its been two months. I know before I know it she'll be off to school then a teenager then married then having her own kids. Thats the fun part of life I guess, it goes by so fast. She is such a good little girl and we just can't get enough of her, she is cooing and oohing and trying so hard to be understood. She laughs, it sounds more like she's coughing over and over but she smiles really big when she does it. We think that one day she will be good at squirting liquid out of her nose because when she spits up (which is almost after everytime she eats) spit up comes out of her nose, kind of nasty. She can slide around the floor so we think she'll be crawling early. She loves skyping Daddy when he's on the road, she will push off of me until her face is right by the computer screen and she just smiles and makes lots of noise. She is growing so much, she's almost two feet tall! She is so much fun and we love having her in our life, we really do feel so so lucky. Ryan has been flying a lot, he is on a 19 day mission right now, which is never fun but it's life. We are lucky to have a good job. I have been keeping busy at home and doing projects here and there. I also have made a lot of friends in our new ward which makes it easier and keeps me busy with play dates and lunch dates. Julie and Dallas moved up two weeks ago and we are enjoying having them close. Ryan is pounding away at school, I am so grateful that he has such drive and hits his goals so hard. Life continues on though and we are enjoying every minute of the craziness and all we are learning along the way. I will post pictures soon, Ryan has the camera so it will have to wait til he gets back, but there are some to come!

Embree's birth story

Read at your own risk...anyone that truly knows me knows I tend to give too much information sometimes and am not modest in the least bit when it comes to sparing the details, you have been warned....

Our sweet baby girl has been here for almost six weeks now. She is an absolute doll and has been the easiest baby. She was born July 23, 2010 at 8:21 am and weighed in at 8 lbs. 5 oz. 21 inches long. She was considered large but is healthy and very happy which is more than we could ask for.

So my Mom had come into town the day before my due date which was July 19th. I felt great pretty much my entire pregnancy no braxton hicks no contractions no pain, just a little discomfort and morning sickness all day the first few weeks. So as my due date came and went I was amazed I was experiencing no signs of labor at all.

Three weeks prior to my due date Embree had dropped and was completely in position I was 90% effaced and between one and two centimeters dialated. I had my membranes stripped twice and it didnt make me have contractions at all. The entire time I was convinced that she would come only when she was ready, but it didnt stop me from trying to hurry it along. Also because I wasnt terribly uncomfortable or in pain I was ok with waiting. The hard part was that it was now Wednesday and my Mom was leaving Saturday and nothing was happening. So the entire week before I was going on several walks a day and having sex several times a day, bouncing on the excercise ball, and praying she'd come while Grandma was in town.

So Wednesday night Ryan and I went to the store and got some caster oil. I swore I wouldnt do it because I absolutely hate pooping but I figured it was better to do at home then in the hospital on the table. So I downed it with some rootbeer just like Grandma Salas said to do. About ten thirty that night we got into bed and by eleven I was on the toilet. It was not pretty or fun at all...After an hour I was pretty sure I was done so I got back into bed and shortly after felt like I should try going again and as I sat there with nothing coming out realized I was probably having contractions. So I got back into bed and for the next two hours I laid there timing them and at two decided to tell Ryan I was in labor but to sleep still cuz I was going to take a shower. From the time I started timing them they were 5 minutes apart and lasting 1-2 minutes. Once I got out of the shower I laid down next to Ryan and he started timing them, they were much worse at this point. Now I am a bit obsessed with always being put together so I had made sure my toes were freshly manicured, I had gotten a brazillian a week before, I shaved my legs in the shower, put lotion on and made sure I looked decent even though I was in a ton of pain.

So 3am hit and Ryan decided I needed to wake my Mom up and that we needed to get to the hospital. We got there and checked in at 3:30am, they came and checked me almost right away, I was all the way thinned out and I was at a 6 which made me very happy. Also I had lost my plug at home right before we left. So they got me into my room the dr came in and popped my water then the nurse came in to do my lab work so they could get me my epidural. About a half hour later they came in to my epidural and at this point I was so delirious with pain I could hardly sit still enough to get the epidural and I was so out of it that I couldnt focus. The doctor yelled at me to hold still which made Ryan mad but it was what I needed to snap out of the state I was in. As soon as the epidural was in I felt so much better. The pain from the needle was nothing in comparison to the pain of the contractions so it really didnt bother me.

I relaxed for a little bit and I think it helped Ryan because I wasnt in any pain at all anymore. He told me seeing me in as much pain as I was in was really hard for him. I guess while I was having contractions before the epidural I just kept saying over and over "this is getting really old" So around six they came in to have me start practice pushing. I was glad that my nurse noticed that I had gotten a brazillian that my legs were shaved and that my toes were freshly painted. I am glad someone appreciated it :) So the pushing started and yes I had the mirror so I could see what was going on. Ryan was an awesome coach and was a great support. The only part that was hard was as I was pushing looking at my Mom seeing her crying because it would make me cry and I was trying to focus on getting Embree out instead of thinking about how I was about to be a Mom.

8:21 she was out and in my arms. My first thought was that I couldnt believe she had been in me. She looked so big and had the most adorable cry. They left her on me for a while then took her to check her and clean her. We were so excited she was FINALLY here and healthy. Then the fun started for me. I had three tares all third degree almost fourth degree. Fourth degree tares are the worst. So it took them an hour to sew me back up which wasnt too bad because the nurse left my epidural on until after they sewed me up. Now the gross details..I tore my labia, butt hole and Urethra and they had to put my Urethra back and sew it into place...nice visual right? So that was the excitement or worst part of the delivery. We had to stay in the hospital two nights which I just wanted to go home after a few hours.

But since day one Embree has held her head up on her own, been very alert, she latched on right away the first time and has had zero problems breastfeeding, she sleeps so well especially at night, when she does wake up she just grunts really loud til I wake up, she already tries to crawl and is so easy. We are so grateful to have her in our family and that she is so good. We joke that she must know how important our sleep is to us at night because she goes to bed for the night at 9 or 10 and doesnt wake up until between 2am and 5am then wakes up at 6am or 7am then wakes up again at 10am. She looks more like her daddy then me but I am totally ok with that. She already smiles all the time and tries to laugh, it sounds more like a cough but we know what shes trying to do. We are loving every minute with her and have loved watching her change and grow the last month and a half. We are very very lucky.

Still waiting

Well today is day three past my due date. I was really worried I wouldnt get everything I wanted to before she got here but we have been sitting and waiting for over a week now ready for Embree to come. I have cleaned the house a million times, kept up on laundry a bit too much and tried to find other things to do. We havent been sleeping that great at night because I wake up every hour wondering if I am in labor yet or to pee and Ryan wakes up because he is anxious and wants to make sure I'm not awake because I am in labor. The doctors have been telling us that I wont go to my due date because I am measuring big, and as the due date got closer that it didnt look like I would make it to my due date. So here we wait three days past it and it looks like she is just is gonna be stubborn like her dad and not be forced to be on time or do something she doesnt want to like her mom. Ive been going on several walks a day and doing what the doctor orders, but she just must love it in there. My mom and brother came into town on Sunday and leave this Saturday to see her but it looks like she is in no hurry.

One of the projects I did was to make Embree's bedding. I am pretty proud of it especially because I am by no means a seamstress. But thanks to some help from my mother in law and friend Khristian I was able to figure it out! Our house is all unpacked and clean and organized and we are so ready to be parents. Everyone has given us lots of advice and told us it will be hard, but we are so excited to bring this little girl into our family and begin yet another adventure together.

We made it!

I have been really horrible about taking pictures the last few weeks, mainly because it requires effort that I am not willing to put forth, aka getting off my butt...But I have taken a few and we have been busy! We have been in Washington now for almost a month. We are all settled into our new place, there are a few things I still want to do decorating wise but will wait on that til after Embree gets here. Ryan will start flying after she gets here, but might do one flight before. The time has just as usual been flying by.
Ryan turned 25 and he got a new iphone, and we went up to British Columbia for the day, did some sight seeing and ate dinner. I made Embrees crib bedding with just a little help from my mother in law and friend Khristian. It turned out way cute, i am pretty proud of myself. I feel a little more ready for her to come now that she has a place to sleep. I will post some pictures as soon as I take some...My belly is getting pretty big, a little girl at church today said to me, wow that must be a really big baby in there! I hope not, but the doctors have said she is measuring big and has measured big the whole pregnancy. We went and took a tour of the labor and delivery section of the hospital which made us both feel a little more ready to know where we are going and what it will be like there.
We do know that we have no idea what to expect completely but we are very excited and ready for this little girl to get here, so here's hoping that the next few weeks hurry up and get over already :)

Goodbye Utah

Well tomorrow we are off to Washington! It really is going to be bitter sweet to leave. It has been a year since we have had our own place with all of our stuff. As Ryan was loading the truck up today he asked me when and how we got so much stuff. Well three years of marriage will do that I guess even with just two people. Plus stuff for baby makes for a very full moving truck. We have enjoyed being at home but are ready for the next more normal part of life. Hopefully.

We are really sad to leave our amazing families and all of our dear friends. We know though that Washington for whatever reason is where we are meant to be. I am so sad but at the same time extremely excited to find out what is in store for us. It has been a long time coming and almost feels surreal, maybe thats why I am not too depressed. I was talking to my Mom tonight and one thing she said was it's just not right. (Her baby girl moving away) Before I had time to think about it I said no Mom it is. And I know that it is, it is what is right for Ryan and I for whatever reason that is. I know there are gonna be hard and crappy things about it but I also know it is going to be an adventure.

So here we go into the next chapter of our ever changing crazy lives. I think one thing that will remain constant in our lives is change. It has been the theme of our lives the last year and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. So to all of you here in Utah we love you all and we will see ya soon!

Beauty & Confidence

I totally stole this post from my friend Amanda but I read her thoughts about this and then started to comment and it turned into a really long comment and figured it was best just to make my own post about it. A little back ground on her and I....when we were teenagers we fought a lot!!! (Kind of an understatement) we were good friends but were also both very immature and got mad at each other over some stupid stuff. I always enjoy reading her posts though because I think we are kind of really similar on a lot of our views which is probably why we butted heads so much as teens. Any ways we got over it around age 15 or 16 after a huge blow up fight. The end result was that we both realized that we were just insecure and that we were allowing others to determine how we felt about ourselves....wow this is gonna be a long post...



Anyways we ended up writing a contract stating that we were the only people that would determine how we feel about ourselves. Lets just say our confidence exploded after that and I think that little contract and what I realized about myself in that conversation made me as confident as I am today. Which has brought some drama in my life from women that are not as confident, and quite frankly people can hate me all they want but I know who I am and those that truely know me love that I am so confident.



Moving on, Amanda had a post about women letting themselves go after they get married and I was reading it thinking Oh my I feel the same way! I hate when women do that! Not only because it is false advertising but also because I feel like if every girl truly knew how amazing she was she would want to look her best everyday. So here is what my comment on her post turned into..



This kind of reminds me of our little contract we drew up and both signed oh ten years a go or so? I still have an index card in my old scriptures that says I am GORGEOUS! on it. Do you remember that? One of the things that Ryan always says about why he fell in love with me was more because of my confidence than the fact that I make such an effort to look good everyday. Granted being in the beauty industry it is more important to me than to others to have my toes freshly polished, acrylic nails done, hair colored and regularily trimmed, skin tan and make up on. But I am a walking advertisement for myself and what I do. Also I grew up with parents that did not allow, sweats, pjs, slippers, or undone hair out of the house. Because of that I still can't leave home with out getting ready...what if I run into someone!?!?!? The reason i do all of these things though is not because my husband expects me to or because it's how he met me or because we don't have a baby yet. It is because I feel like a million bucks when I look my best and when I know I have put effort into how I look each day. Yes this attitude often gets a lot of people that tend to think i am cocky and arrogant, but a lot of it comes from our little contract and the importance I feel that there is in how we percieve ourselves and how we carry ourselves. Which doesn't really mean we have to put make up on everyday and do our hair all fancy just that we have to get to the point each day that we feel good when we look in the mirror.



Take for example my sister Melinda, she looks gorgeous everyday. She doesn't go to the extemes I do but she does her hair, puts on the amount of make up she thinks is necessary and gets dressed. I admire that she does this with out fail with 3 girls, ages 5, 2 (almost 3) and 6 months who she also gets ready, dressed and hair at least combed. AND her husband is only home two days a week...Why does she do it? Because it makes her feel good. So it isn't so much I think about what you do to get ready but that you do get ready.



Now as I mentioned earlier this confidence can come at a price. I have had some females in my life that have had problems with me that always boil down to my confidence and security in not my looks but in the person I am. Part of this contract we wrote was that we would acknowledge where it was we came from and that because of that divine heritage we were beautiful. I know that I am a daughter of God and that alone makes me an amazing gorgeous wonderful person. If others see that me knowing that with out a doubt is cockiness than so be it. But I know who I am, where I came from, where I am going and that I can get there because of that.



So in short I think it is important to still get ready everyday so you can feel your best for yourself. The fact that your husband appreciates it is just a bonus. I feel truly blessed to know that I am beautiful and that because of that knowledge I look the way I do. So whatever makes you feel the best is important, but lets be realistic, messy hair, needing to shower and sweats aren't gonna get you there. Of course this is just all my opinion...Beauty does come from with in but if you are beautiful on the inside it shows on the outside through your confidence, if you feel good you look good but only of course if you choose to...


This picture is a flatering picture of me...If I was back home I would have put one of me and Amanda up but this is about the age I stumbled upon what has become the large amount of confidence I have today!

Count your many blessings...

This is a map of Altus, just in case you need a visual of how small it is...
Tis is City hall and the Statue out in front of city hall

This is the C-17 the aircraft that Ryan will be on

Well to be completely honest I have had somewhat of a bad attitude lately. Which has been really frustrating because I usually can see the good in everything and have a really positive outlook. My theory is that it has to do with my hormones being out of whack because of the baby and I think the MAIN reason is that I have been in Altus Oklahoma the last 4 months..According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 17.0 square miles of which, 16.8 square miles of it is land and 0.2 square miles of it is water.Population 21,447...There is nothing here it is flat flat flat, when the wind picks up it stinks, and the two biggest things here are Wal-Mart and the Base. Thre is nothing to do unless you drive an hour into the city. There are quite a few restaraunts but they are all just ok...not good. Let's just say we eat at home a lot. On top of it we mainly hang out with people that are also in the military and can't wait to get out of here either and also have a general dislike for this forsaken part of the country...Am I being a little dramatic...of course I am but you would too if you were here! We do love our ward though...we have had the missionaries over several times and they dislike it just as much but they have good stories about the hicks and druggies that make up this town. There are also a lot of famalies in the ward that are military and we have enjoyed getting to know them. It is not uncommon for people to be missing several teeth and an overall lack of hygeine. The drivers here are AWFUL, they don't know how to go the speed limit or how a four way stop works. Don't worry there will be pictures to come of this itty bitty town we are in.

Anyways...Ryan and I were talking today about how bad we hate it here...like we do almost everyday...and we were discussing why we think its so awful. Besides all of the reasons previously listed the main conclusion we came to was this....Ryan has been in training for his job for the last ten months, we are on the last leg of that training though. We know that after this month we will on our way to Washington and that there will be some normalcy and consistancy in our life. Which we have not had in the last ten months. So pretty much we are just sick of being in limbo and are ready to get on with things. Also we are done here in approximately 27 days..but who is counting right? Oh and Ryan's date that he was supposed to start class here got pushed back twice because that is just how the military works. Hurry up and wait...In all reality we would have been in washington in the next week or two had he started class when he was supoosed to. Enough complaining though....

As we were talking about being here and the time we have left it kind of got me thinking about all the good things in our life. The day has been a lot better just thinking about all of the things I am grateful for.

-We have an amazing family that does so much for us and that we love dearly. Not that we are biased but we have the cutest nieces and nephews, wonderful siblings, and parents that are a great strength and example to us.

-We are together!!! Which is something we maybe have been taking for granted lately. Ryan's training and my job have allowed us to be together every evening and all weekend, which is something that will change once he is doing his job.

-We have job security, good health insurance (Free) a roof over our heads, and food to eat.

-We have a baby girl coming that will thankfully not be born here :)

-We have the gospel in our lives to make us stronger and better people and to remind us that this too shall pass...

-We have a ton of fun together, we love each other, and we are each other's best friends...

-We are healthy and I haven't had any complications thus far with the prgnancy

-We get to move to Washington and be only a few short hours from where Ryan served his mission

-We have some of the best friends in the world both here and else where

-And when we are not in Altus we have a very good attitude about life!!!

So all in all we are grateful that we will be able to look back at this part in life and laugh and think about the good and entertaining parts of living here...until then we will just have a better attitude! (Or try to at least)

Thinking about baby

As my belly has gotten bigger and as things are falling into place for the next few months I have been thinking a lot about our little girls arrival. I have no clue if I will be as good as a mom as I hope but I sure have been thinking about it a lot. I feel lucky to have Ryan by my side and that we will be going through this together. I know he is gonna be such a good dad even though our kids will be spoiled rotten.I am truly grateful for the way we both were raised. That we come from homes that are very different and very much the same. I am grateful that we have had many conversations about how we want to raise our kids and what we expect from each other as parents. It is crazy to think about how much our lives will change in the next few months. We are very excited but are sure we have no clue of what exactly to expect. We are excited to see what traits she gets from each of us and what her personality will be like. There are a lot of uncertainties but we do know she will be well loved and that she will have a ton of wonderful people in her life. It is crazy how life turns out and where it takes us. We are very luck to be so blessed. We can't wait to see what life in Washington brings us and everything else that is ahead and uncertain.

The Beauty of Oklahoma?

Well Oklahoma does not compare to Utah as far as the out doorsy stuff to do but about 30 miles away there is this place called Quartz Mountain. A lot of people have told us to check it out. So we thought we'd take an afternoon and go. It is by no means a mountain, Ryan and Jordan got to the top and back down in a half hour. I got half way up and figured I should head back down so I didn't quite make it. It was pretty but in all we spent about an hour there and saw everything. It was a fun mini trip but didn't take up our afternoon like we thought it would....

It's A....

Girl!!! We found out today that it is a she. We are really excited, but it is really weird. The whole pregnancy thus far hasn't seemed too real at all, minus my growing gut...But today seeing her moving around and finding out she is a she has made reality set in a little more. It's still weird to think that in 4 months we will be responsible for this little girl but we are so excited. My only fear is that she is gonna be a big brat...the odds are stacked against her with me as her mom and with Ryan as the dad. I was a HUGE brat growing up and can still be at times, and Ryan has a hard time telling me no so I can only imagine how much worse he will be with her...We have picked out a name already...Embree Wynell Bench. We love the name Embree and Wynell is my Mom's first name, and also a family name. Which we love the idea of passing on a family name to each kid. So four more months and she will be here. It is nice to know now so we can do some planning and get things going!

Attitude

So this started as a rant the other day.. it has now evolved into a much shorter gentler version... Here is what seems to be something I have dealt with a LOT lately. Mean and negative people and it seems like they are everywhere. It's not to say there are not a lot of positive happy people too but the negative mean ones have been really driving me nuts. I tend to think the reason this is so annoying to me is that I really try to be positive and always look at the situation I am given in the best light. I really feel like if your life sucks than there is always something you can do to make it better other than complain. I hate when people just complain and have a poor me, my life is harder than everyone else's attitude. So what I am trying to say I guess is suck it up and mean people suck and Karma will get you everytime.

I am grateful I don't have a bad attitude, that I can see the good in any situation and that I have so many wonderful people in my life. I really believe we choose how things turn out sometimes just by how we choose to handle the situation. So for those that aren't good at handeling things it sucks to be you. But the fact of the matter is that life is beautiful and it can be that way for everyone that so chooses. For all those people that are not very nice I am truly sorry you feel the need to be the way you are and it's no wonder your so unhappy. You deserve it..I know that isn't the nicest thing to say but I truly feel that way! I am very blest to have a very good life and many wonderful people and blessings in it. Which isn't to say bad tough things never happen cuz trust me they do, I just choose to not let them knock me down. So just in case you were wondering what I have been thinking about a lot lately there it is! Love all of you who are in my life and make it better!

January

Dinner at this Awesome Sushi place in Dallas, and the OKC bombing memorial.

Well last month was a busy month for us and I can't believe we are already half way through February! I got a job at a staffing company as the receptionist, so answering phones and making sales calls and other random office stuff. It gives me something to do everyday besides watch tv and I am grateful for it seeing as it is hard to find a job in a town this small. Did I mention Altus is in the middle of no where? I am adjusting but I am NOT a country girl and we are in the country. The biggest thing here is the base..oh and there is a wal-mart. Thats pretty much it...I can handle it til May though...at least I hope. We had a HUGE ice storm on the 28th, craziest thing I have ever seen. It was raining and freezing as it rained. If that makes any sense. EVERYTHING was covered in ice, power was out for a week and it was an experience I won't soon forget. We got evacuated to Okalhoma city for 4 days which was fun because the military paid for our hotel and gave us $80 a day for per diem. We went to the cemetary to find the graves of my great grandparents on my mom's side and to the Oklahoma City Bombing memorial, did some shopping and enjoyed having an impromptu mini vacation. So all in all it wasn't too bad. But next month starts Tornado season...so it could get more interesting real quick...Ryan FINALLY started class this month so we are one step closer to getting to Washington! He has his first flight on Thursday, after 8 months in the Air Force he is finally going to be on the plane. Needless to say he is pretty excited for that. Everything is still going well with baby Bench. We find out the end of the month what it is. We probably could find out now but the military only pays for an ultrasound at 20 weeks. So we wait very impatiently. And we also went to Dallas with some friends in January, ate a lot and did a tour of the Cowboys Stadium which was pretty cool. So as usual we are keeping busy and enjoying the tiny bit that life has settled down at least for the moment!

One of the pictures from the ice storm, and the boys pretending to be Cowboys Cheerleaders